Missed child support payments affect the lives of kids, moms, and dads like me, across the country. I’m back due $15,000 in payments. The Federal Parent Locator Service has me high in their database of fathers to track down for enforcement. I could face jail time, or worse, alienation from my kids.
This is why I invented AliMoney, a cryptocurrency to help dads pay their child support on time. In the AliMoney network, dads provide proof-of-kid and contribute to a mining pool.
To mine AliMoney, dads solve cryptographic problems about each other’s kids like: “What time is my kid’s dentist appointment?”, “Is my teenager’s birthday on the 6th or the 8th?”. Once the information is verified, miners are minted AliMoney coins.
AliMoney provides a secure, accountable, and private method for dads to be part of their kid’s lives. It also works as a way for me to make a grip of dough during the Initial Coin Offering. When I bring AliMoney online, I expect its popularity among dads to rocket the price of AliMoney coins.
I will then cash in for US Dollars and settle my child support debts, with a little extra on the side for Papa. Every now and then, dads need a little Las Vegas, you know what I’m saying?
If you’re a deadbeat and don’t want to contribute to mining pools, you can simply speculate on the network by buying AliMoney. You don’t even have to provide proof-of-kid to do this.
How does it work?
AliMoney is a cryptocurrency. A way to send money from one person to another without using the US dollar.
AliMoney is also an Initial Coin Offering. This means that it is a way for me to make money by selling coins to investors.
How do I convince my ex to get an AliMoney Crypto Wallet so I can send her AliMoney Coins?
You will have to fight with her about it. Believe me, my ex, Olivia was not happy either. But I convinced her these coins are going to be worth a shit-ton soon.
Why does my daughter have to do equestrian stuff rather than a cheaper sport like soccer?
This is a cryptographic problem solved by mining on the AliMoney network.
What is proof-of-kid?
I don’t know man, I made it up. Don’t ask questions about how crypto works–just HODL (Hope Olivia Doesn’t Lose-her-shit).
What is AliMoney Coin?
There are two kinds of AliMoney coins: AliMoney-A and AliMoney-B. AliMoney-A coins are used to pay child support. AliMoney-B coins are used in specific slot machines that I’ve set up in casinos.
What’s with the slot machines?
I don’t gamble, but I like everything else in Vegas. I’ve taken too many statistics classes that gambling isn’t fun for me anymore. So I set up machines to take other people’s money; money I can spend in Vegas.
How Do I Get AliMoney-A Coins?
I will sell a limited number of coins during the ICO. You can buy them by sending me US dollars using PayPal. After that, we have to convince crypto exchanges of our legitimacy so we can be easily traded.
How many AliMoney coins are there?
I don’t know! I’ll get back to you, OK?
What is the price of one AliMoney coin?
Crypto is volatile. Just like Olivia, ha ha ha, It’s funny because she still won’t talk to me.
How do I transfer AliMoney coins?
You’ll need a cryptocurrency wallet like Coinomi or Jaxx. Don’t ask me how to use it, I’m not your father.
What is a smart contract?
Too complicated to explain here.
Is AliMoney legal?
I don’t know, man! I’m not a lawyer! I’m an engineer–a fucking great one!
What is the block time?
I don’t know! Why do you ask all these crypto questions? You’re not my dad!
What are the devs?
Devs are the other dads who involved in this scheme with me.
What are the advantages of AliMoney over other cryptocurrencies?
I don’t know! I’m going to get back to you.
Is this ethical?
Who are you, Socrates? Talk is cheap when you ain’t feeding kids 5 times a day.
Is Olivia’s boyfriend Joey currently taking better care of your kids than you are?
Stupid restraining order.
What has Joey said about this cryptocurrency to Olivia?
Once our old house is fully paid for by me, thanks to AliMoney, Joey can shut the fuck up.
Where can I learn more?
Theres a community online:
What does the SEC have to say about AliMoney?
The SEC currently lists AliMoney under “Beware: Crypto Scams”… but how often does your ex go to SEC.gov?
🤖🤖🤖👨👨👨👨👨👨👨 (30% AI writing.)
“The United States Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has issued warnings about investment schemes involving investments in initial coin offerings. Anyone considering investing in cryptocurrency or Initial Coin Offerings should be aware of the potential risks.” - SEC
Thanks for reading!
Take care, … and if you can’t take care, take cash or PayPal.